I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
