i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
