Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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