Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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