i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
