So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
