why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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