i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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