Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How does one acquire holy water?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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