I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't deserve a penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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