We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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