i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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