if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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