and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
