Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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