Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to make out with him forever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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