He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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