grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
