She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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