Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
