Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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