I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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