I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
