They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
