Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
