I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
