A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so let's talk penis.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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