There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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