Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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