guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
