He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
