Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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