i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
