apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
