she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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