dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
