I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
