Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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