My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
