There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
