The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
