Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
smell my finger.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
