dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
