I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
