Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
