I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dicks are not precious.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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