in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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