you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
