I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
