Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
