Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
